Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
