You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
two words...techno handjob
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
