Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize
