I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
