remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
