I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
