i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
