wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
