Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
