I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
