You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
