There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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