Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can text with my tongue
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
