dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
