rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
