i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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