you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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