I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
