My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
