some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
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