i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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