apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Randomize
