the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
