i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
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