i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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