The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
she smelled like a LAN party
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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