I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
