is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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