I think i sorta joined a cult last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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