he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
