hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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