Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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