Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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