What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
