Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
