i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
pray to the hookup gods
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
