Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
