Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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