Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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