I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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