you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
