I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
