My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
