Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
