My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
