I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
