Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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