Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
