yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
