he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
