I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
