It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
