Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
