Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
