I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
