i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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